It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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