i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
this boner is exhausting
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
