rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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