I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
