my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
