Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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