I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
