Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
