His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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