Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
