I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
