Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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