Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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