Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
What a dumb baby whore.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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