I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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