She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
