Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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