your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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