who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
