sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
