she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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