she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
