Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
pop tarts are not kleenex
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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