yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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