i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
