My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Drake has all the answers
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
