Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
