She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
