the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
