awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
