You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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