i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
