I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
