when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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