I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
