last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
