was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
