Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
