i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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