I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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