You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
