why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
