nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
