her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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