Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
