My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
