Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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