Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She bit a glass in half.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
