I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
