I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
